A record and remembrance

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.  My frame was not hidden from you, when I was intricately woven in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them."  Psalm 139: 13-16.

In late May, after experiencing a serious and very unusual craving for Raisin Bran, I suspected that I was pregnant.  Sure enough, after picking up a box of cereal & a pregnancy test, my suspicion was confirmed. We immediately told the girls and the four of us kept our little secret for about a week.

I experienced a pretty typical first trimester pregnancy. I felt lethargic and a bit nauseous, but it was doable because the excitement of a baby far outweighed any sickness. Anna was very excited about having another sibling and told us that if it was a girl, she wanted to name her "Hannah" so their names could sound alike. (Could you imagine?) At about six weeks she felt my tummy and said, "Mommy, I can't wait for that baby to come out of your belly, I can feel it moving." Priceless and so sweet. Payton was a bit clueless and whenever I mentioned the baby, she just pointed at herself. : )

We were all excited and enjoyed telling everyone about the pregnancy.

Romans 8:28 "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who have been called according to his purpose."

James 4:13 "Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit'- yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? for you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that."

The little life grew inside me for 9.5 weeks.  God changed our plans and I miscarried the baby on Saturday July 3rd.  That evening was hard and tearful. We were just so surprised. The next few days were so different - so slow.  It wasn't until a few days later that a wave of grief came and I really lamented. It didn't last too long but through it all, the nearness of God was our good and comfort. Our trust and confidence in God's sovereignty and goodness was a blessing in the midst of suffering. It still is. That's hard to explain but very personal.

Psalm 34: 17-18 "When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."

God was gracious to take the baby early in the pregnancy, which I think lessened the burden tremendously.  But the circumstances of miscarriage and the response to it are so different for each family that experiences it.  I learned much about that from the many women who expressed their empathies and shared their memories.  We're grateful to the Lord that He purposely works out the details of our lives for our good (which isn't always what we expect) and His glory. I pray that in future trials he will give us the grace to continue to trust in these things.  We're looking forward to the coming months and what God has planned for us.  

 Thank you to everyone who prayed for us and supported us over this past month.  I'd like to end this post by sharing with you an act of loving kindness from some dear college friends.  It's a thoughtful way to support a friend/family member who experiences a miscarriage - especially if they live far way.

"In honor of Baby Bailey, a donation was made to the Child Survival Program of Compassion International which read:

This donation is being made in honor of little Baby Bailey who went home to be with the Creator at just 9.5 weeks.  Despite the young age, we believe Baby Bailey was born with purpose and design, and that even in a short life, God was glorified. The lives of Baby Bailey's family were touched, and we are thankful that now, where it is desperately needed, another mom and baby will have an opportunity for life and purpose."

(This specific donation will help to prepare Mothers for labor and delivery by providing a skilled birth attendant and medical supplies for a birth in a clean, safe environment).